Well, here I am. In Fairbanks again. Its cold here, as you may imagine. Like negative 20 at night, cold. I followed winter right back here to Alaska. I have had a chill in my bones all winter and this doesn't help. When I left here last fall, I was overwhelmed with an "indescribable heavenly joy" that I would like to acquire again while i am up here again. However currently my current state of mind is confusion.
Why am I here again? I had a lot of time on my drive here to ponder this question. Besides the obvious reason of work, what is it that draws me here? Its way beyond freezing and when it does warm up the mosquitos come out. I am thousands of miles away from the woman I love with all my heart and probably wont see her again for 6 months. I always felt bad for people when I saw them choosing their career over meaningful relationships and here I am doing that. So what is it? Why am I drawn to this place? Its no secret that I love nature and the picturesque beauty of a snow capped mountain range, but is that enough to make a man drive for 5 days away from his love? How many other men have undertaken this same journey with this same question on their heart? I tried to have a normal job, that didn't work out. The florescent lights were sucking my life from me. Anyways back to my main question, what is is that draws me here? I once heard a man say in a sermon that "God has set eternity in our hearts" and until we die and go to heaven we will never be fully satisfied. I bring this up because I was thinking that maybe it is the serene untouched beauty of Alaska that reminds me of heaven and thats why I crave it so much. This would make sense due to the fact that no matter how much I am up here it is never enough. Its the same in the lower 48 but stronger up here. I know I am blessed to have these opportunities, but its hard sometimes to see the the blessings when dwelling on the negatives.
If anyone is actually reading this and has any insight as to why they themselves are drawn to the mountains, please comment and share your thought. I am curious about other peoples perspective on this.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
A letter to a friend
I recently wrote a letter to an old friend of mine who has had a major influence on my life. I though it would be beneficial for everyone to read so here it is...
A long time ago when I was working at the hospital in Tulsa, I became good friend with this girl I worked with. He name was Lisa and she was in the mid 30's and she was black. I mention the color of her skin due to the point of this story, so bear with me (I am not racist). She was a devout christian and wasn't afraid to let people know it. She didn't keep her light under a rock. One day I mentioned that I had always wanted to go to an all black church to experience the "soul power" that white people don't usually have. So one day I went with her to the north side of Tulsa to her church where I was the only white guy there. Needless to say I felt a bit out of place. But once the service started all my anxious thoughts fell away. I was blown away by the soul shaking power that they seemed to possess. I have no idea what the message was about but that isn't the point. I tell you this story because watching that T. D. Jakes video reminded me of that time. His congregation seemed alive and so responsive to what he was saying even though he was more or less talking ill content about them. His words hit me as well like a ton of bricks and its exactly what I needed.
It never seems to amaze me how the Holy spirit gets His message to us. Even when we choose not to listen to Him directly He blind sides us from another direction.
This happened to me again today by the way of the last Freshlife sermon. In conclusion the pastor was talking about us having the strength to run with horses and this was only accomplishable by strength from the Lord. He also talked about how if we trust on the Lord we can accomplish more amazing things than we can imagine.
I mention these things because I didn't trust in Him and as a result I am heading back to Alaska in a month for another fire season. I didn't see how I would make ends meet and how it would have all been possible for me to pursue a career at NOLS. I had doubt in my heart and I don't like that. Its like the man coming to the Lord and saying "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). I want to trust in the Lord but at times my unbelief and doubt are stronger.
Thank you Husky. I hope and pray that this letter finds you thriving in the majesty or the Himalayan mountains. If you happen to find yourself in Alaska this summer drop a line.
A long time ago when I was working at the hospital in Tulsa, I became good friend with this girl I worked with. He name was Lisa and she was in the mid 30's and she was black. I mention the color of her skin due to the point of this story, so bear with me (I am not racist). She was a devout christian and wasn't afraid to let people know it. She didn't keep her light under a rock. One day I mentioned that I had always wanted to go to an all black church to experience the "soul power" that white people don't usually have. So one day I went with her to the north side of Tulsa to her church where I was the only white guy there. Needless to say I felt a bit out of place. But once the service started all my anxious thoughts fell away. I was blown away by the soul shaking power that they seemed to possess. I have no idea what the message was about but that isn't the point. I tell you this story because watching that T. D. Jakes video reminded me of that time. His congregation seemed alive and so responsive to what he was saying even though he was more or less talking ill content about them. His words hit me as well like a ton of bricks and its exactly what I needed.
It never seems to amaze me how the Holy spirit gets His message to us. Even when we choose not to listen to Him directly He blind sides us from another direction.
This happened to me again today by the way of the last Freshlife sermon. In conclusion the pastor was talking about us having the strength to run with horses and this was only accomplishable by strength from the Lord. He also talked about how if we trust on the Lord we can accomplish more amazing things than we can imagine.
I mention these things because I didn't trust in Him and as a result I am heading back to Alaska in a month for another fire season. I didn't see how I would make ends meet and how it would have all been possible for me to pursue a career at NOLS. I had doubt in my heart and I don't like that. Its like the man coming to the Lord and saying "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). I want to trust in the Lord but at times my unbelief and doubt are stronger.
Thank you Husky. I hope and pray that this letter finds you thriving in the majesty or the Himalayan mountains. If you happen to find yourself in Alaska this summer drop a line.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Home
Its been a long time since I posted. I guess its because I haven't felt inspired in a while. I feel like I am recovering from an incredible high and not necessarily in a good way. I guess you could say I am taking a step back to analyze my life and what is really important. For lack of a better word I feel like I am in a funk. I heard recently in a message from Freshlifechurch.org Levi say that one of the most vulnerable times in our lives to be attacked by the enemy is when we complete something major. His words really hit me and it makes me think that there might be some foul play going on.
The first few weeks after coming back down from AK were incredible. There have been few times in my life I can recall that I have been so happy. Things were blooming with Kim at an incredible rate and I couldn't have been more optimistic toward whatever the future held. The Lord really did a number on me in that little yurt. The time spent in AK seeing his creation and seeking him with my full heart really healed some parts in my heart that I so desperately needed. In Matthew 18:2-4 Christ tells us that we need to become like a child and have the faith of one in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. I believe I experienced this towards the end on my AK experience and on into the first few weeks of being back in the lower 48. I felt inspired and encouraged to go seek all the dreams that I had in my heart. I had even convince myself to give up fire and seek the NOLS position that had I wanted ever since completing my course in 04. But then there came a change in my heart about a month and a half after coming back, the high wore off and I began to revert to my old self. This isn't a bad version of myself just not the thriving self that I was prior. I became nervous and scared about taking the leap of faith toward a new career, so I didn't. I decided to not even apply, sealing my fate of holding out at least one more year. I rationalized my decision saying I need to get myself out of debt first and other lame excuses, not trusting in the Lord to help me with my cares and concerns. I tried to iron out all the future details and since I couldn't, I decided that I must know my life better and chose to do what is comfortable.
For anyone who is reading this, take a lesson from this example. When you feel it in your heart that the Lord is telling you to do something, go make it happen. Don't worry about the details. We only have a level view of our lives, the Lord has the birds eye perspective that looks into the future. He clears a path for us and all he ask us to do is to trust Him. A very simple request, right?
Make it happen people. Go live the life you have dreamed about. You never know when your going to do die. Live each moment to the fullest, for real. This isn't some cheesy cliche country song or some feel good lifetime movie, this is you life. Get yourself out of your funk and start really living!
If you need some inspiration watch these two movie... "The Human Experience" and "Happy"
Both were vey good and give you a great perspective on life.
America!
The first few weeks after coming back down from AK were incredible. There have been few times in my life I can recall that I have been so happy. Things were blooming with Kim at an incredible rate and I couldn't have been more optimistic toward whatever the future held. The Lord really did a number on me in that little yurt. The time spent in AK seeing his creation and seeking him with my full heart really healed some parts in my heart that I so desperately needed. In Matthew 18:2-4 Christ tells us that we need to become like a child and have the faith of one in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. I believe I experienced this towards the end on my AK experience and on into the first few weeks of being back in the lower 48. I felt inspired and encouraged to go seek all the dreams that I had in my heart. I had even convince myself to give up fire and seek the NOLS position that had I wanted ever since completing my course in 04. But then there came a change in my heart about a month and a half after coming back, the high wore off and I began to revert to my old self. This isn't a bad version of myself just not the thriving self that I was prior. I became nervous and scared about taking the leap of faith toward a new career, so I didn't. I decided to not even apply, sealing my fate of holding out at least one more year. I rationalized my decision saying I need to get myself out of debt first and other lame excuses, not trusting in the Lord to help me with my cares and concerns. I tried to iron out all the future details and since I couldn't, I decided that I must know my life better and chose to do what is comfortable.
For anyone who is reading this, take a lesson from this example. When you feel it in your heart that the Lord is telling you to do something, go make it happen. Don't worry about the details. We only have a level view of our lives, the Lord has the birds eye perspective that looks into the future. He clears a path for us and all he ask us to do is to trust Him. A very simple request, right?
Is is incredible how the Lord communicates to us in a language we understand. While back in Tulsa for the holidays I had the privilege of having lunch with my great uncle Tom. He is an old sage, overflowing with wisdom to share to those willing to listen. We talked about many things, but one thing in particular he spoke of was one of his favorite verses in the bible. The verse is Hebrews 11:8 and is says "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." He said he particularly liked this verse because it demonstrated what God is possible of doing for us when we have faith. He said it broke his heart when he saw believers sitting doing nothing and praying "Lord what do you want me do" when all the while the Lord is saying " go do something". He later went on to explain that it just took us moving for the Lord to use us, that its in the act of moving that the Lord is capable of pointing us in the right direction.
Make it happen people. Go live the life you have dreamed about. You never know when your going to do die. Live each moment to the fullest, for real. This isn't some cheesy cliche country song or some feel good lifetime movie, this is you life. Get yourself out of your funk and start really living!
If you need some inspiration watch these two movie... "The Human Experience" and "Happy"
Both were vey good and give you a great perspective on life.
America!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Indescribable Heavenly Joy
To say that I love Autumn would be an understatement. With all my heart and soul I embrace it when it arrives. I love the preparation that the forests go through for the coming winter. If you are out in nature enough you can actually feel and smell it in the air as well as your soul. The arrival of fall also means that another summer has passed and its time to relax and welcome with open arms the warm welcome of my friends and and family scattered across the west.
It has been a slow fire season for me up here but I couldn't be any happier. Being immersed in nature in Alaska offers excellent opportunities to ponder life and reevaluate the necessities of it. Besides the fear that there is a huge grizzly bear hiding behind every bush waiting to kill me there are very few distractions to bring you back to reality. Millions of acres of open country for a man to roam in. I feel like I found something this summer that I lost a long time ago... A heart that is happy from the simple fact that I am alive. When I first moved out west I was so enthralled by the very existence of nature. I had that awestruck look in my eyes like a blind man who just received his vision back while standing in front of Mt Everest. But over the years I became somewhat numb to it all. Spoiled by all the acres of burned country I have seen. All those years mopping up and looking at the ground. It hit me last week when we were on our final project of the year down in Wrangell - St Elias national park. I decided that its time for a change that would require me to to give up the security of a steady paycheck to pursue a deeply buried dream that I have suppressed for many years... Becomming a NOLS instructor. A change that would put that sense of fullfilment back into my life. This is something I have been praying about for quite a while and waiting on a confirmation from the Lord about. The Lords timing is so perfect and amazing.
So when I was down in Wrangells it came. On the drive in to the park I was alone and was listening to a randomly chosen sermon from a church that I used to attend in Whitefish. As it turns out this sermon wasnt so random and it was as if it was exactly spoken for me. Its been great to actually hear Him this summer. I know He has been talking to me my whole life but latley I have been able to be quiet enough to actuall hear what He has to say. I wont delve into the details because i doubt it would make sense to anyone but me.
Then as if that wasnt enough one night after work a buddy and I got dinner and a beverage at the local watering hole. In making small talk with our very attractive waitress I found out that she happens to be engaged to a guy that I took a NOLS course with back in 2004. Crazy. Low and behold the guy lives part time in McCarthy and ownes one of the adventure guiding companys there in town. So he came down, had a beer and we cought up where life had taken us over the past eight years. It was almost as if what happened next was God himself being like " you think thats cool, check this out" and in walks a beautiful redhead that I took the NOLS emt class with two years ago. My mind was blown. Its truly amazing how the Lords timing works. Its good to be humbled by the awesomness of these experiances. Just when you think life is good, when you believe in the Lord He make it exponentially better. So with that, I have decided I am done making plans, and I am going to just go where the wind takes me. I will go where my heart leads me.
It has been a slow fire season for me up here but I couldn't be any happier. Being immersed in nature in Alaska offers excellent opportunities to ponder life and reevaluate the necessities of it. Besides the fear that there is a huge grizzly bear hiding behind every bush waiting to kill me there are very few distractions to bring you back to reality. Millions of acres of open country for a man to roam in. I feel like I found something this summer that I lost a long time ago... A heart that is happy from the simple fact that I am alive. When I first moved out west I was so enthralled by the very existence of nature. I had that awestruck look in my eyes like a blind man who just received his vision back while standing in front of Mt Everest. But over the years I became somewhat numb to it all. Spoiled by all the acres of burned country I have seen. All those years mopping up and looking at the ground. It hit me last week when we were on our final project of the year down in Wrangell - St Elias national park. I decided that its time for a change that would require me to to give up the security of a steady paycheck to pursue a deeply buried dream that I have suppressed for many years... Becomming a NOLS instructor. A change that would put that sense of fullfilment back into my life. This is something I have been praying about for quite a while and waiting on a confirmation from the Lord about. The Lords timing is so perfect and amazing.
So when I was down in Wrangells it came. On the drive in to the park I was alone and was listening to a randomly chosen sermon from a church that I used to attend in Whitefish. As it turns out this sermon wasnt so random and it was as if it was exactly spoken for me. Its been great to actually hear Him this summer. I know He has been talking to me my whole life but latley I have been able to be quiet enough to actuall hear what He has to say. I wont delve into the details because i doubt it would make sense to anyone but me.
Then as if that wasnt enough one night after work a buddy and I got dinner and a beverage at the local watering hole. In making small talk with our very attractive waitress I found out that she happens to be engaged to a guy that I took a NOLS course with back in 2004. Crazy. Low and behold the guy lives part time in McCarthy and ownes one of the adventure guiding companys there in town. So he came down, had a beer and we cought up where life had taken us over the past eight years. It was almost as if what happened next was God himself being like " you think thats cool, check this out" and in walks a beautiful redhead that I took the NOLS emt class with two years ago. My mind was blown. Its truly amazing how the Lords timing works. Its good to be humbled by the awesomness of these experiances. Just when you think life is good, when you believe in the Lord He make it exponentially better. So with that, I have decided I am done making plans, and I am going to just go where the wind takes me. I will go where my heart leads me.
"Right where you are"
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It has been a slow summer in regards to fire activity up here but I am welcoming the break from having my nose to the grindstone. I so enjoy having a summer in conjunction with working a fire job. My feet do a little jig whenever they are able to be free from the confining space or a fire boot. Life is to short to not wear sandals in the summer!
So at the beginning of the summer I bought an old vintage 1980's motorcycle to commute to work on. I felt like I was in Easy rider on this thing. So free, out crusing on the open road. But shortly after purchasing it the hog broke down and I am not a mechanic so it sat for the rest of the summer. It will be a good winter project. Anyways my coworker also bought a bike this summer. However hers is a bit nicer than mine...2012 BMW GS650. Its really nice. So towards the end of the season after the newness wore off of it she handed me the keys and told me to go put some miles on it for the weekend. And that I did. I rode south till my heart was content then pulled over for the night at a view spot for Denali. It was there that I truly believe I felt the Lord speak to me. That evening while smoking my pipe and watching an unobstructed sunset over "the great one" I felt the Lord say to me "Right where you are". This was I believe in response to a question I had been asking myself all summer... "Was comming to AK the right choice?" It was good to hear confirmation on this. So with that I relaxed and settled in to one of the most spectacular sunsets I have ever witnessed.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Socially acceptable
Now the last thing I want to be be is a hypocrite. However lately this seems to be the case. I will not try and beat around the bush here when I say that ever since I got to Fairbanks things have gotten a bit out of hand. I have definitely not been living the example of the the man I would like to be. While pondering this dilemma this morning I was reminded of a song by an old band named DC Talk. My parents wouldn't let me listen to secular music when I was a kid so I rocked out to the Christian contemporary variety. At the time I thought they were being ridiculous and unfair but hindsight I realize they were doing it to protect me from the crap that is on the radio. Anyways, the song is called "what if I stumble" and the lyric that I was reminded of is,
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
I fully feel like this is what I am doing and it makes me sad. Then if that wasn't enough as I was reading the Word this morning I came across a passage in Psalms 116 vs 18 that said "I will fulfill my vows to the lord in the presence of all his people" Even though it hurts to hear about our shortcomings in life sometimes thats exactly what we need.
Back to the beginning and the reason I labeled this post "socially acceptable" is because of another song of good old DC Talk that I heard while searching for the first . The song talks about how we as society are allowing so many thing to pass as acceptable now a days compared to the old days where we stood up for injustice and moral values. I had a friend tell me the other night that I was old fashoned because I held the door open for her amongst some other things she noticed. What has happened to society as a whole? Where did chivalry go?
So if your reading this I ask you for a favor. Please pray for me that I will pull out of this Fairbanks funk that I am in.
And now for some fixie picks...
Hipster...
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
I fully feel like this is what I am doing and it makes me sad. Then if that wasn't enough as I was reading the Word this morning I came across a passage in Psalms 116 vs 18 that said "I will fulfill my vows to the lord in the presence of all his people" Even though it hurts to hear about our shortcomings in life sometimes thats exactly what we need.
Back to the beginning and the reason I labeled this post "socially acceptable" is because of another song of good old DC Talk that I heard while searching for the first . The song talks about how we as society are allowing so many thing to pass as acceptable now a days compared to the old days where we stood up for injustice and moral values. I had a friend tell me the other night that I was old fashoned because I held the door open for her amongst some other things she noticed. What has happened to society as a whole? Where did chivalry go?
So if your reading this I ask you for a favor. Please pray for me that I will pull out of this Fairbanks funk that I am in.
And now for some fixie picks...
Hipster...
Old fashioned...
If it aint broken, don't fix it
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